Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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