: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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