So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
