the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
