Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
