are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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