There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
