Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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