I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
