Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
