I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
