Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
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