Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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