If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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