Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
