I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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