It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
