We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Its about making memories worth repressing
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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