I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
