before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
