First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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