I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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