my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So vagazzling was a success
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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