I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
