She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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