Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
