yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
