he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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