I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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