if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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