So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize