I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
