Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
ttyl tear gas
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
