So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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