...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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