One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
