mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
