I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
