why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
