so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
