these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
