I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
