Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
from now on my penis is your penis
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
