my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
