He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were birth control emojis
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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