Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
