3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
