When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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