hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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