I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
