They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
