so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
