there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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