his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
