ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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