Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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