she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
