i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
