Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
