And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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