Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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