what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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