i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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