I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I can't turn off my feet"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
