This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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