They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
