I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
