Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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